Why even bother reading an article about cuddling your kids? It’s the most natural thing in the world. Isn’t it? Well, actually that depends.
It depends on many factors such as how you were raised, how old your children are, and how inclined are you personally to hug or enjoy being hugged.
But it also depends on how consciously aware you are (or are not) of why hugging, cuddling, and physical contact is so important to your child’s well-being and development.
As crazy as it sounds. the busier our lives are, the more apt it becomes that we forget to take the time to hug and cuddle our kids. Although this is generally not the case when they are babies, it can definitely creep in as your kids get older.
It’s happened to me. I can readily remember suddenly realizing that the entire day flew by and not once did I stop to hug or cuddle or somehow physically connect with my child.
As human beings, not only are we social animals, but science has proven over and over that we need to have some type of physical contact to thrive and feel our best.
Most of the time it all just happens naturally. If your child is scared, your warm embrace immediately makes her feel safe. If your child falls and skins his knee, it’s amazing how quickly he’ll feel better when you are there with open arms to comfort him. Is your child’s best friend moving away? A hug is needed now more than ever.
But I want to focus on all the “not so obvious” reasons a hug or a long cuddle on the couch is so important. Your child may act like they’re too big, too old, too cool, too independent to want that hug or cuddle. Don’t fall for it. They not only want but NEED those hugs from babyhood all the way into adulthood and well — forever really!
So let’s dive in.
10 COMPELLING REASONS TO HUG AND CUDDLE AD INFINITUM
- Releasing the “love hormone.” According to scientific research, when we receive a hug, our brains release a hormone called oxytocin, also known as the “love hormone” or the “feel good” brain chemical. This hormone has many benefits for our bodies including lowering stress, increasing IQ, even increasing our immune systems, among others. For example, one study conducted at Duke University Medical School found that babies and children with very affectionate mothers were happier and less anxious as adults.
- Calmer and less stressed. According to Ann Bigelow, professor, and researcher at St. Francis Xavier University, “hugs and affection help calm babies: they cry less and it helps them sleep better. Some studies also show that their brain development is thereby facilitated.” Babies and children draw upon our strength and feel comforted when they are wrapped in our arms. Remember that a baby has been in such a tight, cozy environment while in the womb. That is why swaddling is so comforting and why Native Americans carried their babies in a papoose on their backs.
- Form a stronger bond. Experts almost unanimously agree that one of the most important aspects of raising a happy, well-adjusted child is to keep the lines of communication open. You have a much higher success rate of achieving this if you start by focusing on forming the strongest bond possible with your child. Your child will more naturally open up to you as he grows if he feels safe and close to you. Hugs and affection are the key components in this bonding journey.
- Help your child deal with stress and strong emotions. Similar to the calming effect hugs have been proven to have, this also translates into helping a child deal with anger, frustration, and stress in general. Dr. Emily Mudd, Ph.D., of Cleveland Clinic Children’s Hospital, states that receiving a hug helps a child manage stress because it releases cortisol, the stress hormone. This allows a child to bounce back faster and build up resiliency.
- Make your child smarter. Believe it or not, getting enough affection through hugging and cuddling can actually increase your child’s IQ and brainpower. According to Medical Daily, a remarkable study compared the brain scans of two three-year-olds. The brain which belonged to a child who received normal, loving affection was not only larger, but was also free of dark areas and spots compared to the other brain which belonged to a child who had suffered from neglect. This scientific study proves unequivocally the importance of close and affectionate contact with our children.
- Promote better health. Another eye-opener here. Just the simple act of hugging and cuddling can indeed boost your child’s immune system. Researchers from Carnegie Mellon University found that a person was 32% less likely to develop a cold, even after being exposed to the virus, due to the stress-buffering effects of hugs and affection. Lower stress and being in a more relaxed state allows your body’s immune system to remain in top form which is key to remaining healthy.
- Increase your child’s self-esteem. A child who feels comfortable in their own skin is much more likely to be confident and well-adjusted. My son was very shy when he was little, but we continued to shower him with affection and didn’t focus on the shyness at all. Today he is probably one of the most out-going people I know and never “meets a stranger.” Kids have a lot to deal with in this day and age. Building your child’s self-esteem is so key to helping him deal with whatever comes his way.
- Help your child practice empathy. This ties in closely with self-esteem but takes it a step further. When your child is not worried about being liked, or what someone else thinks of him, he is more likely to be able to empathize with someone who is going through a tough time. Wouldn’t you want your child to be the one who steps up to help a child who is getting bullied? Or what about the new kid at school. Wouldn’t you want your child to be the one that invites him over to play? Empathy is a key to all human interaction and the more you can promote that from a young age, the better off our world will be!
- Create a fun and happy home atmosphere. Let’s not forget that in addition to all the scientific evidence of why hugging and cuddling are so important, it’s just plain fun. It is an immediate mood booster and can set the tone for a great talk at bedtime, the perfect interlude to playtime, or a great way to start everyone’s day on the right foot. It’s such an easy way to say so many things that you don’t always have to say in words. ‘I’m here for you,’ ‘ I am paying attention to you,’ ‘ I acknowledge you,’ ‘You are so important to me.’ One hug equals many words.
- Says I LOVE YOU. Nothing says “I love you” more clearly than a big bear hug or just some quiet cuddle time. Your children need this time with you. When they are little it’s easy — they are thrilled to get and give hugs. As they get older it can become more awkward, but only if you let it. If you continue to hug your kids every day it is not weird or uncomfortable, it is natural and appreciated.
WHY IT’S SO IMPORTANT TO PRIORITIZE GIVING YOUR KIDS DAILY HUGS, CUDDLES, AND AFFECTIONS
This was written while the world is still in the midst of the COVID pandemic. There are repercussions to our mandatory social distancing that we can’t even begin to fathom yet. Human beings are social by nature. The more we have to stay apart, the larger the chances of this having long-term effects on people.
I sincerely hope I can edit this someday without having to take the pandemic into consideration. But this dire situation that the whole world is dealing with only makes the hugs, affection, and cuddling you give to your children within your family 1000 times more important and impactful.
Keep in mind that there are many signs of affection. Having a tickle session, or a fun wrestling match, maybe hide and seek that results in a hug attack when you’re found. Give your child a massage. Have your child come sit on your lap while you read them a story or they tell you about their day. Get creative. Have fun with your affections.
The more you reflect on how important cuddling and affection are in your children’s lives and development, the easier it will be to make this a daily practice.
A hug or a cuddle can come in many shapes and forms. Make it a point to incorporate more affections into your daily life if you feel that this is lacking a bit in your family. Beyond smothering your kids every time they walk into the room, you really can’t give too many hugs. Reflect back at the end of the day and answer this question every single day: “How many times did I hug my child today?”
Happy Hugging!